Kevin And Sabrina
This is a "SCRIPT" I wrote in 2017... Comedy styling of Nick Grunerud.
Hope you enjoy!
Sabrina and Kevin By Nick Grunerud INT. CAFE. It's raining outside and Two people are sitting at a table. The Man has A copy of the latest Skuf magazine. The woman is sitting staring inquisitively. KEVIN (Making rabbit faces outside the window) The rain gets harder outside KEVIN It's the second half that get SO bad Sabrina looks over to him SABRINA What are you talking about? Kevin flips another page of the crumpled magazine KEVIN All the issues of Skuf magazine start so grand, So big... They start to really climb into a topic or a theme... then the pages just get larger and larger Sabrina takes a wide gulp of tea SABRINA Okay.... uhh- Kevin cuts her off KEVIN It's like the second season of Cheers or something or the part of the Unabomber manifesto that's shit? Or like a bad cake? Right? Um... or a ... the fucking catholic church? SABRINA What the fuck Kevin? You are making no sense and you might continue to further lack general sense as the day goes on. Kevin puts his magazine down KEVIN Listen... SABRINA Sure. KEVIN You paying the attention? SABRINA (hastily) Sure, sure, sure. KEVIN Cool, cool... Sabrina takes a wide gulp KEVIN This magazine is not right for me, which is akin to so many things... CUT TO TITLE SCREEN, WHICH APPEARS FOR 2 SECONDS (Screen goes to black, music starts to play) EXT. STREET Kevin is walking with one of his friends, Carla. Both of them have their hands in their pockets, ALMOST the same way. Kevin notices how beautiful it is. KEVIN I just notices how beautiful it is outside CARLA Yeah, it is. It's days like this that really shine in my mind... KEVIN (Looking Confused) Sure, yeah, awesome... Carla CARLA I am SERIOUS! Nice days like this really put a stop to that whole suicide shit and depressing shit that permeates life... KEVIN Yeah, that's the pitts Kevin looks up to see where they are KEVIN Really is the pit, if you wanna know the truth CARLA In a specific sense... Carla takes out two pairs of headphones, one labeled "White" and the other "Urban" KEVIN Carla, those headphones... overtly offensive CARLA It's not happening...they are not bad in your way... Kevin puts his head down as they keep walking CARLA In a specific sense, the pit is where you find it all... The dark branches making everything all dumb, the cherry tree making all of the rich folk hungry KEVIN I like it CARLA ...the splayed branches making everyone all rich... KEVIN I really like it CARLA ...The rich making everyone all splayed KEVIN I like it...Female Karl Marx right here... Carla looks disgruntled CARLA Kevin! You can't possibily like all that I do KEVIN Hey Look! Kevin points to a convenience store door that is open. CARLA You know how much I love things that stay open and continue to BE open... KEVIN Que Pasa? CARLA The Spanish language is one of the great things you do. "The End" with a blue background appears on the screen. A 13 second pause ensues INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM Carla and Kevin are sitting in Kevin's bedroom with a bass guitar lying in the middle of a large rug. CARLA So....You wanna play it? KEVIN No...I don't CARLA Why is there confusion inside of you? KEVIN Because it's always been there CARLA So....you have always had a time? Carla blinks both of her eyes, signifying something KEVIN It's not prudent what we are doing... "The End" with a red background appears on the screen. A 12 second pause ensues INT. BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY Kevin and Carla are walking through a Burlington Coat Factory CARLA Hey, Kevin? She squezes her stomach CARLA Does this fat make me look fat? KEVIN No, it makes you look fat! They both laugh very forcefully CARLA Kev, you make it fun Kevin picks his nose and aggressivly checks his watch KEVIN Thanks a whole lot Carla looks at her watch CARLA God Dammit! We have been in a Burlington Coat Factory- Her words get cut off by a copyright symbol on the screen. "The End" with a yellow background appears on the screen. A 9 second pause ensues EXT. STREET Sabrina is outside a package store waiting. SABRINA hmmm...I hope I get a really nice quarter from the clerk The clerk walks outside CLERK Here you go girl. SABRINA Thanks bitch She looks disaproving of herself SABRINA Sor....sorry The clerk looks at her very bemused and walks back in. Kevin comes out from the shop. KEVIN Hey good news! SABRINA What my love Kevin? KEVIN There are really conspicuous candy bars in that Gas station check outline SABRINA Okay... KEVIN Want to hear the bad news? SABRINA You had just good news available... Kevin picks his nose and looks at his watch KEVIN I do not think our gas tank can hold anymore gas They both look at the package store clerk. He looks back at them and walks outside CLERK Da hell you crust punks doing out here? KEVIN Sorry, I am being a total cunt right now... Sabrina glares at Kevin SABRINA Kevin! Don't say that word! It's... it's... Sabrina looks at her watch SABRINA Wrong to say. Even in a gendered way that subverts generalized expectations of how society should and could view the way we interact with personalized structures. The ways in which men still think that words don't hurt the ones they love is indicative of the hegemony that regins free in all of us as human beings. There is a long pause between the three of them KEVIN You are like Andrea Dworkin, minus the Portland Kevin shakes his head and mouths the word no SABRINA Is that a new one? KEVIN I keep trying jokes but they come out as what I just did. CLERK Could you dum dums get the hell out of my store please? And probably stop saying the C-word while you are at it? Basball bat cracking a baseball is audible in the background INT. OFFICE "The End" with a pink background appears on the screen. A 5 second pause ensues. EXT. STREET Cuts back to Kevin and Sabrina with the clerk SABRINA I really don't enjoy this guys entire demeanor... and I am starting not to like this shop we can't get out of. Kevin takes out his phone KEVIN We have six white friends, eight black friends, and no one has a guard card... Really need a security guard for our party SABRINA I know! I would love to have that extra sense of not giving a rip in our own dwellings The clerk looking irate starts to shout CLERK Get out of my store, you cocksuckers! Kevin and Sabrina leave the store. A 32 second montage of them going through different stores occurs. "The End" appears on the screen with a black guard card. A One Second Pause ensues. INT.STUDIO- The pause is broken up by a shot of a Turner Classic Movies style studio where a black woman named Jackie and a Iranian man named Pacer are facing camera JACKIE Hello everyone... My name is Jackie PACER And I am Pacer of course JACKIE We are obviously here to talk about "Kevin and Sabrina", the chilling debut from acclaimed director, Fish Washington. PACER Yes... Fish Washington's classic new film JACKIE Yup.... Camera cuts to another shot with a picture of Washington in the background PACER Washington was a sharp, bright, mutli- gooded man with extremely open heart and wonderful style JACKIE He made straight people look sick and wanted a society where no one directed each other but rather they created a space where JACKIE AND PACER IN UNISON Art made it's place in the center of the room Both Jackie and Pacer look behind them JACKIE Fish Washington will be remembered for his wild contributions to actual cinema because he is who he is. Jackie crosses herself PACER That's weird what you just did, but I will honor his way by using trademark infringement on your gay ass Pacer crosses himself. The clerk from Kevin and Sabrina comes out from the set. CLERK Hey, did anyone order a Koran, or a bible, with extra paprika? All of them start laughing SO HARD. Improvised dialogue as Kevin And Sabrina and Carla come out as well. Numerous talking heads appear with all that have spoken where it is revealed that no one in the cast supports animal rights and that they in their words "extremely love" Maccaroni Grill. Credits roll to different songs. Half the credits are from other movies. THE END.